Worth the wait

Honestly I think I'm still processing that I have started matrescence, the phase of life that encompasses the becoming a mother. At nearly 36 I have spent much of the last decade unsure if this particular life experience would be one I'd go through. Up until I got divorced it had been something I'd always assumed would happen, but was in no rush for it to happen after being so involved with raising my younger siblings. After the trauma of the man and the difficulty of finding someone I could actually see myself growing old with, I sincerely thought biological children was no longer on the table.  Never in a million years could I have guessed how in less than a year I would meet the kind of person I have been holding out for, I would move into his beautiful home out in the northern woods of Maryland, we would talk about getting engaged and married across the next year and instead wind up pregnant at not even 6 months of dating.  

Baby girl arrives mid July, baby shower invites are out and babymoon to Key West is less than a month away. The nursery and also my desk lol is almost done and it's so stinking cute. I'm so happy and grateful to be pregnant and basically finally living the life I spent so much time wishing for. I don't hate the physical aspect of being pregnant, like seriously lucked out with zero morning sickness, but it would be a lie to say I enjoy it. I'm just mildly uncomfortable basically all of the time and know very well that it's going to steadily increase as I get more pregnant. I can barely eat a decent amount of food in one sitting before actively being in pain and I'm having SEVERE heartburn. Girlfriend better come out with a full head of hair. Squirt is definitely already sassy, if I laugh too hard for too long she punches me from the inside which is hilarious but genuinely hurts lol. With being able to feel her moving around in there now, I've started waking up in the middle of the night the last few weeks, so I'm starting to feel real tired again, especially around 6 o'clock lol.    

There's a bunch of projects we need to do around the house before she gets here and I'm still in the process of unpacking all my shit. We didn't fully move me in until the end of January. So definitely stressing, and the increased hormones hasn't helped with those feelings. It's really wild to go from zero to a hundred for almost any emotion. Like for something touching or slightly upsetting to cause me to full blown sob out of nowhere, or for what used to be a neglible annoyance to throw me into a rage. Fun times. Thank goodness my love is a saint. He has been so excited and so involved in EVERYTHING. Every single appointment he is there, being adamant about building the registry together, sitting with me as I research everything under the sun and even agreeing to try out cloth diapers! My environmentalist heart could burst. 

So far we have really lucked out with free or steeply discounted big ticket items from friends and family and most of the big items on the registry have already been purchased! I think the two of us built up some serious karma over the last decade. There's still so much to be done but I can't wait to meet squirt and love on her earth side. I already love her so much more than I knew was possible and it's making me tear up writing that. I finally feel like I'm in the next chapter of my life and know without a doubt it was so worth waiting for :)